Beautifully said, Raquel. I do think my father and many men of that generation didn't carry the tools necessary to find the kind of success in Canada they sought. Beautiful insight. THank you for reading.
Some of us of the second generation sometimes did not want to see behind the broken person in front of us, because it made us or them uncomfortable.
When I personally asked I would get short answers, like ' I don't remember' or they would give me a short synopsis of what happened in the past. When they passed I put all those short summaries of their life together and think about them, and make sense out of them. Sometimes I put it back to ' they were raised differently, they knew differently, it was the traits of that generation. '
Hi Despina. I do think it is a generational thing that we all grew up with and I thing, to a great extent, we no longer abide by those same rules of secrecy. I’m not sure which one is better.
Anthony, it's a gift watching you unpack layers of baggage and allowing us to join you on the journey (and in doing so unpack our own baggage). It's a powerful universal experience and you're giving us permission to explore our own demons. As you tackle tough subjects like alcoholism, culture, class, scars from childhood, parental trauma with its generational ripples, and more, we ride along with you, grieving for you and surprised at our own healing in the process.
Thanks Cindy. For too long it was far too difficult to unpack “stuff.” I’m treading carefully, one toes in the cold water at a time. But I’m happy to look back in anger, in frustration . . . with a whole lot of love and a new understanding of the important people in my life who have shaped me. THanks for coming on this ride with me.
So powerful & moving your words and the peeling back layers of such valuable history. Parenthood & bereavement alike have unique ways of opening us and parts of us we thought resolved. The people of his time were forced to carry burdens at ages when play and carefree spirits should be their focus. With limited insight they plowed through the rigor of overachieveing for others (their superiors, their social networks) and the added burdens of starting anew in foreign lands. Perhaps fatherhood broke him in ways he had no tools to process and in place of vulnerability and possible demonstrations of affection came masking his own trauma of a silenced childhood and a new found sense of loss of control. Your work & reflections are so powerful as they pivot to a new way, a new path for generations that follow. Your boys are so blessed to have you.
This is perfect in so many ways. Not because I share the same memories of a man readying himself to destroy a party, preparing to enact violence on the little humans he should love and a man whose past, whose own childhood memories that maybe died with him, but because I too have only recently been able to see my dad before they moved here, to understand who he might have been had he stayed there with all of us. I love that you found this letter commending your father. ♥️
Thank you Alison. It’s incredible how the common thread of trying to make sense of our parents runs through so many of our shared stories. I was thrilled to uncover the letter and it shifted something inside of me. Big hug.
Beautifully said, Raquel. I do think my father and many men of that generation didn't carry the tools necessary to find the kind of success in Canada they sought. Beautiful insight. THank you for reading.
Hi Anthony,
Some of us of the second generation sometimes did not want to see behind the broken person in front of us, because it made us or them uncomfortable.
When I personally asked I would get short answers, like ' I don't remember' or they would give me a short synopsis of what happened in the past. When they passed I put all those short summaries of their life together and think about them, and make sense out of them. Sometimes I put it back to ' they were raised differently, they knew differently, it was the traits of that generation. '
Thanks for this, so interesting and moving.
Hi Despina. I do think it is a generational thing that we all grew up with and I thing, to a great extent, we no longer abide by those same rules of secrecy. I’m not sure which one is better.
Anthony, it's a gift watching you unpack layers of baggage and allowing us to join you on the journey (and in doing so unpack our own baggage). It's a powerful universal experience and you're giving us permission to explore our own demons. As you tackle tough subjects like alcoholism, culture, class, scars from childhood, parental trauma with its generational ripples, and more, we ride along with you, grieving for you and surprised at our own healing in the process.
Thanks Cindy. For too long it was far too difficult to unpack “stuff.” I’m treading carefully, one toes in the cold water at a time. But I’m happy to look back in anger, in frustration . . . with a whole lot of love and a new understanding of the important people in my life who have shaped me. THanks for coming on this ride with me.
So powerful & moving your words and the peeling back layers of such valuable history. Parenthood & bereavement alike have unique ways of opening us and parts of us we thought resolved. The people of his time were forced to carry burdens at ages when play and carefree spirits should be their focus. With limited insight they plowed through the rigor of overachieveing for others (their superiors, their social networks) and the added burdens of starting anew in foreign lands. Perhaps fatherhood broke him in ways he had no tools to process and in place of vulnerability and possible demonstrations of affection came masking his own trauma of a silenced childhood and a new found sense of loss of control. Your work & reflections are so powerful as they pivot to a new way, a new path for generations that follow. Your boys are so blessed to have you.
This is perfect in so many ways. Not because I share the same memories of a man readying himself to destroy a party, preparing to enact violence on the little humans he should love and a man whose past, whose own childhood memories that maybe died with him, but because I too have only recently been able to see my dad before they moved here, to understand who he might have been had he stayed there with all of us. I love that you found this letter commending your father. ♥️
Thank you Alison. It’s incredible how the common thread of trying to make sense of our parents runs through so many of our shared stories. I was thrilled to uncover the letter and it shifted something inside of me. Big hug.
♥️